Bag of Depression

Morning Meds; 10 23 22

For those of us who have suffered from depression or still are, the world can become a dark place.

It makes it nearly impossible to see hope.

We often stand in the center of paradise with a black bag over our head and wondering why our world isn’t going better for us, it seems impossible to lift the bag and free ourselves.

All the while the light of our essence burns within calling us to look inside so we can find, touch, and feel the warmth of our eternal light.

It is a few breaths away, at the edge of slowed thoughts, at the place were silence starts to thicken like a morning mist.

The Bottom of Depression

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The energy beneath a situation is where the solutions lay at least emotionally.

It we discern the energy beneath it, we can adjust how we act instead of reacting.

Most the time if it is troublesome the energy beneath it is fear, but what is the energy beneath depression if that is the situation?

Here are five of its characteristics:

It seems dark,

It impairs creative vision,

It conceals options,

It is confining in that it makes one feel trapped,

It creates a perceived inability to help yourself.

Fear produces many of these same results,

but what is the energy beneath the fear?

Something must be working right, or you wouldn’t be feeling fear, the processor is working fine it is just sending up the wrong set of feelings.

All energy is living in a sense, if you reduce it to its smallest form, atoms and molecules.

If we reduce it again, energy is an eternal dynamic formless essence that we describe as atoms.

I believe they are the expressed and unexpressed Consciousness of our creator of which we are a part.

Beneath the feeling or the energy of fear are the atoms and molecules that physically produce that those feelings in our bodies.

Atoms or energy are not depressed, they are neutral, they only form what they are directed to form.

So beneath fear and depression is the unlimited magnificence of the creator of universes.

Its not that we don’t have access to change, it is that we don’t realize how much possibility is available to us for change.

Being a depression survivor, what has worked for me is to do is the simple task of trying to send love to the depression and all its pain. I send it right down to my gut. It can be very difficult at first, but love will filter down through the pain, hopelessness, darkness, and the imagined inability. It will filter down through the fear and it will connect to our core of our soul.

The energy quickening our soul is perfectly intact and is working fine, the energy is just being filtered through fear instead of love.

Sounds corny at first, but it creates a light at the end of what can be a very dark tunnel.

I don’t make any claims of being a doctor or a therapist, although I’ve had a few, I just want to share what has helped me to manage and climb out of the pit of depression.

Note From a Survivor

Morning Meds 10 12 22

Depression seen from the inside out.

Depression is:

Living in a world where the sun never shines.

Living with an invisible bag over your head that make everything dark.

Living with perpetual flu like symptoms of weariness and fatigue with no end in sight.

A place where hope is hidden.

Not living, it is merely existing.

But most importantly,

Escapable,

Healable,

And can be recovered from.

Think Yourself A Good One

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The crystalis encasing a caterpillar, is of it’s own making.

The world surrounding us, is but the reflections of our opinions.

We often fault western medicine and pharmaceutical companies for treating symptoms instead of causes.

If we spent time surgically removing malignant thoughts from our body of beliefs, many of their physical symptoms would fade away.

Thoughts are the energy that forms our days.

Think yourself a good day.

Unripened Fruit

Morning Meds; 2 11 19

Unripened fruit is sour, hard and unpalatable.

Liberating thoughts, new perspectives and changes to embedded beliefs are about as tasty.

Once they ripen, their sweetness can move one to tears.

We must allow ourselves time to change without critical self judgement.

The change of view is worth the effort.

Treat yourself like a loved one.

I Believe I Can

Morning Meds 2 10 22

Old negative perceptions used to define ourselves are like wieghts on a sting of helium balloons.

They keep us grounded, unable to soar to lofty heights.

Lightening the load helps us to achieve liftoff.

We are meant to soar.

Changing how we see ourselves cuts the strings.

I’m A Lucky Dog

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For those of us who have experienced or are experiencing the process of rescuing your inner child……

When you glimpse your inner child as a kenneled, neglected, rescued dog, with the matching emotional energy of total fear and distrust.

It becomes clear that only, loving words, self encouragement, kind acts, reassurance and taking time to show affection to ourselves,

(ya got to pet the dog)

will restore us our competent beautiful selves.

We’ve had our fill of abusive self talks, critical self judgements, invalid comparisons, ass chewings, self denial and believing we don’t measure up.

The realization that we are unconditionally loved is the most exhilarating experience this old dog has ever felt.

Someone or Something, I don’t care which, opened my kennel door and is softly loving me back to life.

(I’m a very lucky dog)

Reach for it, ask for it, pray for it, whatever it takes.

Have the doorway to exposer to the limitless energy of unconditional love opened for you.

Our higher whatever misses us as much as we have missed him/she/it (damned if I know which).

Have a great day.

Forgiveness puts us back to square one.

Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves.

The whoever or whatever, that opened my door, didn’t have the same list of faults, sins, charges, accusations or short comings that I had posted on my kennel door.

There was no list, only love.

The list was always, all mine.

Think I better get busy with my day, maybe someone will take time to throw a ball for me.

For the few this resonates with,never stop searching.

Hope can be found.

The Scent of Depression

Morning Meds 10 10 21

In the context of the fear of reoccurring depression;

This is for those of us who have lived in depressions hell and have experienced the relief of it’s absence. We know the feeling to well of how it can creep back in. The onset of a bout with the flu frightens us for fear it could be depression, it seems a relief to realize it is a passing situation, even while we are sick.

It’s almost a scent in the air wafting in from the future. We fear it could return with it’s full fury. Debilitating, leaving us bed fast seeking sleep. Knowing all to well the guilt and shame of wasting away another day and that more guilt and shame is waiting for us as soon as we open our eyes, but we are just to tired to try.

Bad ideas seem a rational solution and hopefully, either the fear that death might be worse or compassion for our loved ones keep us continuing to endure.

We, like superstitious baseball players don our rally cap, cross our fingers and toes and sort of dig in, in preparation. It’s as if we can sense it rolling in from a not so distant horizon.

These moments of dread occur much less often for me now, but I haven’t forgotten the scent.

I woke up this morning with that foul smell in my mind. These are thoughts to that regard and also how imagines seen while meditating can be repurposed into writing.

Everything is energy including thoughts and their manifestations. Just like water is the solidified energy of two Hydrogen and one Oxygen molecule. Depression is solidified thought energy. As Wayne Dyer says, “Change the way you look at thing and the things you look at will change.”

Perfection is the goal that makes quitters out of most of us. Perfection is a mirage in the distance, most of those who pursue it persish of self criticism long before they reach it. Our best should always be enough. We are unconditionally loved, no one is keeping score.

(While meditating, a few thoughts from habitual recordings stored in my playlist titled , Reasons to be Depressed. I will leave them out)

(Next)

The realization that this playlist moves in the direction towards fear. Quick! Turn around, where is the direction towards love?

Persistent beliefs that hold you in check are distractions from the cause.

Under the Cause heading are listed the erroneous beliefs we shuffle through to ruin our day.

(This is the Imagery that followed)

A highway leading east, strewn with huddled humanity. People holding themselves with their arms, lamenting. Fetal position flashed for a moment but was gone. The people all lost in the fog of limiting beliefs. Many calling out for help hanging onto the signposts lining the highway. The signs inscribed with the words that hold them captive. A fog, a mist, a cloud thickly surrounds all, it’s fumes blind the eyes and sanity is lost to defective reason.

“What was, will always be.”

“I’m here again, this how is always is.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Fate has given me this path.”

“I’m an addict, I’ll never be free.”

“I’m a piece of shit.” ( my bad, poop)

“I’m so bad there is no forgiveness.”

“Damaged, damaged, damaged beyond repair.”

“I’m stupid!” (Always a favorite.)

“They said it was chronic.”

“Nobody loves me.”

“I’ve failed again, always will.”

(Well enough of that, that is depressing!)

Along the highway of darkness huddled groups of humanity exchanging their thoughts like cups of Jim Jone’s koolaid.

This imagery is the fodder for poems.

These are Thoughts, if you turn around and head the other way:

A history of falling seldom stops a toddler from walking. Our greatest stumblings block is our own voice and what we say to ourselves. A toddler is surrounded by voices of encouragement. “You can do it!”

I descended out of my hell, into my core essence, I ain’t going back.

Could searching for the causes, be causing the most harm? Might be better to look for the thoughts that causes the most good, that way we are going in the right direction.

Duality demands balance, if a farmer removes a boulder from a field he must fill the hole with good soil. If we extract a negative file from our thoughts replace it with the opposite.

Always send love to fear, it cancels out it’s energy.

The universe conspires to help me, always.

Purposely sending love to yourself and the depression, stops the fight. If we could whip the energy of it by will power, we be the happiest people alive. Love will disarm it. I have come to see my struggles with depression as the pathway I choose to force me search for what I have found. My best efforts are usually enough.